When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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