I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
