In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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