I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I stole a fireplace last night.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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