Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
