After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
