I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
