Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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