oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize