ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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