And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
