Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
