Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
