is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize