like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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