So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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