I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
