at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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