Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
