I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
