so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
