then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
