ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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