I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
