he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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