I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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