are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize