Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
