did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
