The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
