I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
