There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
