if i can run in heels then i can drive
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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