Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
