thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
