I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
