so that wasnt chicken after all
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Randomize