After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
