Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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