The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Randomize
