I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
