He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
