I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
