I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
We need a shit load of segways right now
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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