WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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