the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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