I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
