He asked to "fluff my boner.."
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
