nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize