Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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