Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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