He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
