You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
