I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
