I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
