There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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