I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
