Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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