Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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