Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I want a musical about memes.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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