we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
