I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
