You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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