Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
