Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
