so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
