uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
