woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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