Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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