in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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