I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
