I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
