Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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