shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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