I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
