I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
