I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
