my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
my being single is dangerous.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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