And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
