i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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