You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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