Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
