Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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