so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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