Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
