You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
