I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
