Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
