I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
