She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
