In the future we'll all be gay
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Randomize
