Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
